Shades of Gray

"The Beauty Of Gray"

If I told you he was your brother

We could reminisce

Then you would go about your day

If I said you ought to give him some of your water

You'd shake your canteen and walk away

The perception that divides you from him

Is a lie For some reason you never asked why

This is not a black and white world

You can't afford to believe in your side

This is not a black and white world

To be alive I say that the colours must swirl

And I believe

That maybe today

We will all get to appreciate

The Beauty of Gray

If I told you she was your mother

We could analyze the situation and be gone

If I said you ought to give her

Some of your water

Your eyes would light up like the dawn

The perception that divides you from her

Is a lie

For some reason we never asked why

This is not a black and white world

You can't afford to believe in your side

This is not a black and white world

To be alive

I say the colors must swirl

And I believe

That maybe today

We will all get to appreciate

The beauty of gray

Look into your eyes

No daylight

New day now

-LIVE

For those of you that know Shawn and I, one of the things we found out early on that we had in common was our love of the band LIVE. He however, was a mega-fan, and I only had a few albums. He introduced me to all of their albums and so my love affair (for the music and my husband) flourished. Recently, they split up and we both hold out hope that they will someday, find their way reunite so we can at least catch one last concert together. Their lyrics are inspiring and are truly life changing.

That, however, is not the premise for this blog post.

Recently, there was a debate via Facebook on abortion. I will not give my personal opinion because quite frankly it is no one's business but my own how I feel about that particular subject. What I will say is the first thing that came to mind were the above lyrics as I read some people's harsh opinions (I myself, giving one about being open minded and not judging others). This song has been a favorite of mine because it speaks to the soul on seeing world in a new light. Black and White doesn't work for every situation.

I am a very principled individual, I do things in my life and base decisions upon the sheer principle behind them. Right, wrong or indifferent. I also can be open enough to see where others are coming from. This in and of itself is a true journey, that I am still struggling to improve daily. I believe it is human nature to immediately jump to judgement when faced with a tough situation. Being compassionate and open to another person's turmoil and grief is a learned behavior. I do have zero tolerance for nonsense but if you are open and honest with me, I will forever be loyal. I would rather know where you stand than to be struggling to figure it out.

All of us are on our own journey in life and our choice and decisions, though not always right, shape the people we are. I challenge everyone to read these lyrics and live by the motto that we don't live in a black and white world. Some situations are clearly right or wrong, but most are many shades of gray. Be open enough to see life from all aspects, it will make us ALL much more compassionate people.

Balance

Seeing this picture reminds me of how much the dynamic of our family changed in an instant. We transitioned from having "control and balance" to a whirlwind of organized chaos. Over the past 3 years we have managed to find a balance (while it may not work for some) that is perfect for our family unit. We are the opitomy of a chaotic, functional family.

I recently decided that I was going back to work full-time once we had settled into our new city. This decision was not made lightly and had me conflicted. It was hard to even fill out the applications or dust off the good ol' resume. But as it turns out, I enjoyed the interview process and feeling like I was a "grown-up" again. It gave me an identity that had been hung up in the back of the closet for safe keeping upon the birth of my second son. Much to my surprise, after only 2 interviews I was offered a position. A position, that much to my surprise, will be directly related to College Degree I earned 10 short-years ago. Yes, Alicia Maltby, is a college graduate. I knew before they called that if I was given an offer I had fully intended on taking it so the answer was yes, without a moments hesitation. This may seem over eager or desperate but they did say they were looking for an enthusiastic candidate, right?

I have gone over this decision time and time again hoping that I made the best decision for my family. Will it change the boys? Will I have a hard time with the balance between career and family? I think too much time is spent criticizing the working mother, some aren't built to be housewives forever. I love the time I spent raising my boys and just because I am going back to work doesn't mean they will be neglected, if anything, the time I do have with them will be more cherished. I've come to the realization in order for me to like my children, I must have some space from them. I LOVE my children ALWAYS but sometimes I need to appreciate them just as much as they need to appreciate me. Having space is good for any relationship, right? I mean, we can't spend every waking moment with the people dear to us no matter how much we love them. It just isn't natural!

I also realized that the "Bits" need time away from me as well. They are so excited to go to preschool and WANT to be with other children their age. So just as much I have outgrown staying home, they are starting to outgrow being at home. And so...our family is again transitioning into a new dynamic.

Family is about balance. Finding what works for your unit and embracing it. Just when I think I have made a bad choice by going back to work, I am quickly reminded while using the bathroom, why this is going to be a great change in our family dynamic!

"Mommy, what are you doing in there?"

If I get nothing else out of this job, I will get at least get to use the bathroom. All. By. Myself.

Forget health insurance! Silent trips to the restroom might be the best benefit of this job!

Integrity

Let me begin by saying, I went to the doctor recently to discuss some anxiety issues that I have battled for several years. Mostly, a direct result of post-partum depression added to the fact that I am neurotic and maybe a tiny bit controlling; but for those of you that know me...this is no big surprise! It was at this appointment that the doctor and I discussed therapy. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about therapy but I don't have the time to sit for an hour and talk about myself and my "issues" so I had an amazing revelation...blogging! What better way to get it all out there and better yet, it's ALL free!!!

So let the therapy begin!

Recently, Shawn and I have gone through some serious life changes/choices. We lost his Dad this Spring and at that point a new job opportunity arose and we are always up for a challenge so we took it. Sometimes tragedy brings opportunity for change and forces you to assess your life and do what makes you happy. It does require the family to move to Anchorage so it comes with a lot of mixed emotions because so much of our life together is centered around this town and specifically this home that we share together. With change comes a range of emotions, all of which we were ready to face head on. We have each other, after all, and that has always worked for us in the past. The one thing I was not prepared for was the backlash that has come from us moving forward.

I understand people will get their feelings hurt because in Shawn's line of business these teams were established as clubs and people get very attached to the fact that they feel like they are part of something bigger. We never intended to hurt feelings but you don't get anywhere in life but staying in one place and not going for what you want. Shawn has never been one to not look at the bigger picture and reach for a new challenge. It is what I love about him. So, the fact that so many people have said such horrible and hateful things about this wonderful person in my life, is disgusting and pisses me off to depths I cannot even express in words!!

It is one thing to get your feelings hurt and pout for a day or two, but 3 months, really??? Don't you have anyone else to discuss??? We have done a lot for this organization and this community so to have people blatantly attack Shawn's integrity and intentions is a complete crock of shit! He is a man of great integrity and in life we only have one thing that we control, how we treat others! Instead of focusing on what you lost, why don't you focus on how this could make you better? Isn't that what makes champions?? (I think I read this on a Wheaties box as a child but I could be wrong!) This is a business and in handling things as such...no one owes anyone in this community a god damned thing!

I guess in a small town, things never change. People still get envious when someone else moves on and they are stuck where they are because they get sucked into a small-minded mentality and don't see outside of the little pond they are living in. I say it often, being from a small town does not mean you have to settle for having a small mind. Think bigger and strive to be something bigger than you are! We are only as good as our word in this world, when people make up rumors and lies about a person it attacks their moral threads and in some cases the damage is irreversible. For those that know us and know what we stand for, what you see is what you get. You may not like what we have to say but at least you know where we stand. Integrity sets apart the good from the bad. It is the one thing in your life that no matter what people say or do, they truly can't change about a person. If you have strong moral compass the rest falls into place. Good things eventually happen to good people, sometimes not right when you want it to but all in due time.

Though these attacks hurt and make me angry, I will not give up on the people in this community that make my heart happy. We have made so many life-long friendships and connections here. Just stay true to you and if someone tries to tell you information that is untrue about somebody, set them straight. Life is not Junior High, rumors and lies have dire consequences now.

Just remember; good things happen to good people and bad things well... you see where I'm going. Our lives will collide again and when they do we will hold our heads high because we have nothing to be ashamed of. Can you say the same?

You're right, Doc, much better....